In one of my previous posts about the benefits and dangers of the ego, I talked about how we humans love to judge others. Some of us do it more and some of us do it less, but the bottom line is that we all do it. And while I am sure that it’s natural for us to behave this way, it carries a certain amount of dangers that, if taken too far, can take into a very wrong and unpleasant direction. So, in this post, I would like to talk about the ten reasons why and how you should stop judging others and focus only on yourself. This is extremely crucial if you want to grow and become better in all aspects of life.
1. The unhappy me
The first thing to understand about judging is that happy people don’t judge. Well ok, they do, but a lot less than the majority of people. Generally, the more we judge others, the less we are capable of loving ourselves.
Yes, there are thousands of reasons why we judge. Maybe it’s our co-workers of friends that did something wrong, or maybe it’s just simply people walking past us on the street. Maybe we thought that the jeans on that guy were too tight and looked pathetic on him (or maybe that’s just me). It really doesn’t matter what it is, because, in reality, judging means not being able to accept. And the less we are able to accept the people and things around us for what they are, the more unhappy we become and the less we accept ourselves. This correlation has been known for a long time.
Consequently, to stop judging others, the first step is to understand its nature, which ultimately lies in our lack of happiness. Next time when you are happy, notice how you don’t care about how others look, act or say. All you feel is your own happiness.
2. We create a distance between us and success
A lot of the times when we judge others is when somebody has something that we don’t. We would love to have all that money, car or that beautiful lady or man next to us, but it’s just not the case. Instead, that “old dude” gets it all. He doesn’t deserve it, and he looks bad in that car – we think to ourselves. Or we see someone really successful say something that doesn’t click with us, and that instantly pushes us to judge them.
The problem with all of this is that by judging, we are actually making ourselves feel better about the fact that we don’t have something. We convince ourselves that we don’t want to eat out at expensive restaurants. And while that does make us feel ok for a while, we are actually creating a wall in between us and the success.
If we have convinced ourselves that we don’t need something fancy in our life, then we simply won’t even bother working for it. This is extremely detrimental to someone that is trying to have success in life. This is why I always say, stop judging others! Don’t look down on them. Instead, admire them. Think about the hard work they have put into what they are doing. See these people as examples of what you are capable of achieving as well.
This is a 180° turn from the normal judgmental behavior. It’s very difficult to achieve this at first, but if you do, the effect that it carries has the potential to turn around your WHOLE LIFE.
3. Being the victim
One very common feeling that people get caught up in is the feeling of being the victim. In fact, some people base their whole life around this.
When we fail to succeed in something or we feel that someone else is being unjust towards us, we turn on the victim mode. It’s so much easier to blame others or the circumstances than acknowledging that we could have done better. We blame and therefore judge.
If we focus on the external circumstances rather than on ourselves, we become blind. We stop seeing what exactly is going wrong with our life and with what we do, and therefore we cannot improve. What is there to improve if it wasn’t our fault in the first place?
When we learn to take responsibility for all of our actions, that is when we can expect to see real personal growth.
4. You attract negatively charged people
Let’s face it, when you can judge someone together with a friend, it feels a lot better. It feels as if there really is a reason to judge.
But what does this really mean? A lot of the times it just means that two people are helping each other feel better about themselves by finding a common victim to talk trash about. And while your common hobby can improve your relationship with the other person, there are better ways to do it. You don’t want this type of behavior in you. You want to stop judging others.
Moreover, you want to have positive and ambitious people around you that have no time and interest in judging others. With time, you begin to resemble your friends, regardless of whether they are positive or negative people. Don’t go for the latter.
5. You turn people away from you
Similarly to the previous point, people around may notice that you are being negative. Many not only don’t want to be judged, but they also don’t like hearing you judging others. Your judgments may be a warning signal to them indicating that you are not the best person to be around. This may drive the good people away from you. Again, it only makes sense to stop judging others.
Unless you are a totally horrible person, which you are not, or otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this post in the first place, judging accumulates guilt in us. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Sometimes, after thinking or speaking about someone in a negative way, we feel a little guilty about it. We realize that we don’t really know the whole story behind that person, yet we judge them. We really wish we wouldn’t have thought that way about them.
The feeling of guilt is actually good. It teaches us to think twice before doing something wrong. Therefore, instead of repeating the old judgemental behavior over and over, use the feeling of guilt to change yourself. On the other hand, if you let negativity and
On the other hand, if you let negativity and guilt pile up in you, it will only make it worse for you.
7. Live with awareness
Awareness in life is something that I cannot stress enough. While the previous points were bits and pieces of why and how you should stop judging others, awareness is something that combines them all.
Being aware means to know and understand everything that happens around you. When you are aware, you understand the true nature of things. And when you understand the true nature of things, it becomes pointless to judge others. It becomes clear that everyone is a separate human being with their own story. Everyone has their own culture, religion, parents, nationality and many other. When you are able to understand this, the idea to judge others for what they do or who they are simply becomes silly.
The most effective way to become aware that I know of is to actually work for it! Just thinking about it won’t change anything. You’ll forget about it and return back to your normal state almost instantly.
Meditation for at least 5-10 minutes a day will completely change this. It’s the practical approach towards awareness. I say this because it has had a tremendous impact on my life.
8. Think positively
Is the glass half full or half empty? If you can’t decide now, know at least that you can always refill it. That means being positive about things and believing in a brighter future.
Yes, optimism is something that cannot be attained at a snap-of-a-finer, but if you meditate and learn to be more aware of the things around you, you can take control of the negativity and positivity ratio that you are emitting into the world.
Hey, the bottom line is that there is nothing good about being negative. It does no good to anyone and pushes away the people that are actually optimistic about life. If you can’t be positive all the time, then at least try to be positive sometimes. Try to see a little bit of good in everything. And when you do, you won’t feel like judging others. The same goes in reverse – if you stop judging others, there will be more space for positivity.
Recommended for reading: 10 Examples Where the Power of Positive Thinking Kicks Ass!
9. Watch out for stereotypes
Some will say that stereotypes exist for a reason. And while that may be true to an extent, that shouldn’t concern you.
Looking at people, you should always first see them as a human being, and not as a walking stereotype. By focusing too much on stereotypes, you allow for judgment and close off from potentially very good people entering your life.
10. Love thy neighbor as thyself
Last but not least, always think about the consequences of your actions, words and even thoughts. Would you really want others to talk shit about you (pardon my French)? Absolutely not!
While we may not care, we would prefer that nobody would speak or think that way about us. But that goes both ways. The best thing we can do it to stop judging others, and maybe others will do the same for us. Always treat others the way in which you wish to be treated in return.
I hope this post has been of help to you. Thank you for stopping by and good luck!