Dealing with jealousy… Let’s face it, it’s one of the most difficult feelings to handle and one of the most poisonous ones as well. While a feeling, such as anger, is very destructive to us, we at least know that it’s wrong to be angry in most situations. Jealousy, on the other hand, is a lot more subtle.
Unlike anger, we may feel that we have all the reasons to be jealous, which takes us even further from the truth. It is a poison that prevents us from thinking rationally, and as a result, deteriorates us.
Jealousy comes in two forms. The first form is what I call the “romantic jealousy”. It is when you are jealous, for example, of your spouse’s friends, often without a reason. And even though jealousy is never a good thing, you have to understand that being jealous in a relationship is quite normal. In a way, when you are jealous, it means you care. If you are in a relationship and not jealous at all, that is when you should be worried.
That being said, you should not allow jealousy to hurt your relationship. Don’t allow it to dictate rules for you. You just have to face the fact that it exists, and there is nothing you can do about it. Trust and love are what you need to have in your relationship. As long as you have those two, jealousy should not have any major impact. And if one of the two is missing, then you really need to think about where you are heading in your relationship.
The second type of jealousy is what we can refer to as the typical type of jealousy. Simply put, it is the feeling that you get when you think someone is better than you in some way.
Typical jealousy is the one that I want to really concentrate on. It is the jealousy that we have to live with every day, and it is the one that can seriously hurt us in the long run and prevent us from growing.
How jealousy manifests itself
A sports car with a man inside pulls up right in front of you. If the man is old and chubby, you may think how silly he looks driving that car. If the man is young, you may think that his parents bought it for him. And if it’s a woman, maybe you’d wonder if her husband bought it for her. Obviously, you aren’t thinking this way, but I just wanted to illustrate a few basic examples.
Alternatively, you walk by a very expensive restaurant, and you criticize the people inside for paying thousands of dollars for food that is in no way worth it. You say that food bought at —- is so much cheaper and probably tastes just as good.
Both of these examples have two things in common – criticism and justification. You criticize and justify why some people have a sports car and you don’t, or why it’s stupid to spend so much money on food that tastes better when prepared at home.
The problem with all of this is that when you are jealous, you are not only raising unwanted feelings of frustration on the inside, but you are also closing yourself off from the success of the person you are pointing your fingers at.
When you justify, you make it easier for yourself to live with the fact why you don’t have something. You accept that you don’t want to buy a sports car because you don’t want to look silly or that you are not interested in spending a ton of money on overpriced food. In reality, though, you would be happy to be able to do both.
Every day we hear people talk negatively about those that have been able to achieve heights that others can’t. In order to stay in the safe zone and comfortable with where we are at, we look for people that are similar to us, with whom we can share our criticism and justifications. We prefer to think that we are doing everything correctly, that we don’t want to be rich, famous or highly successful… at least not to that extent.
Dealing with jealousy the right way
If you have ever dealt with toxic people or “haters”, you know that they will always try to make you look bad no matter how well you are doing. These are the same people that have the least amount of success. Again, hating and jealousy are weapons against the sad reality of an individual. But what these people don’t want to understand is that they can be dealing with jealousy in a completely different, beneficial to them, way. Instead of talking down to people, they could admire them. Of course, pride isn’t easy to give up. It’s one of the last things we would want to let go off, regardless of how bad things are going for us.
To let go of pride doesn’t mean to fail. To let go of pride means to give up the old ways of thinking, and to let someone more experienced guide us towards success. In fact, that’s one of the common characteristics of highly successful people – their desire to constantly learn from others.
We are ready to talk down to people, talk behind their backs and call them names, just as long as our own identity is not shattered. But the moment we flush away our ignorance, the moment we are ready to sit down and take notes from people that have it well off, that will be the moment of our triumph. Letting go of pride does not fail us – it allows us to succeed. Ignorance is not a bliss, ignorance is stupidity.
Dealing with jealousy step 1 – acceptance
If you want to be dealing with jealousy the right way, the first thing to do is to accept your current situation and to analyze your feelings towards the people that you are jealous of.
Why does that person with the car make me angry? Because I cannot afford it. Why does that man with a beautiful lady annoy the hell out of me? Because she is way out of my league. It’s not fair that he can be with her, and I can’t.
Accept the place you are at. Those people didn’t do anything to you. It is your own perception of them. It is your own brain thinking of these things. Therefore, find the root cause of your anger and jealousy. Regardless of what it is, you will realize that the source of anger and jealousy is always coming from you. When you are able to accept the fact that the problem is in you, that is when you will be able to change.
Some highly ignorant people will never be able to achieve anything because they are not able to get passed the very first step – acceptance. They cannot be honest with themselves why they feel the way they do. It’s really important to be honest with yourself and with others.
Dealing with jealousy step 2 – readiness to change
Once you have accepted your new deep discovery of yourself, you have the potential to change. Want that car? Find a way to make that money! Want women to notice you? Go and attend dating classes. Learn how to dress and speak well.
Whether you will be able to change or not is up to you. No one else is going to do it for you. Use your anger to take massive action towards becoming better.
Dealing with jealousy step 3 – admire others and learn from them
When you look at those people you usually despised, look at them now with admiration. Look at the way they act, walk and talk. Copy them, try to learn from them. If you are brave enough, you can even ask them for advice. Not many will tell a stranger their secrets, but there will always be someone ready to help.
The next time you look at someone that has something you want, think about how good it is that these people exist. They are able to motivate you and to serve as an example for you. They are walking proof that you are, too, capable of having more.
Read books, attend seminars and get coaching. Teach your brain not to be jealous of people just to hate on them, but to be jealous of the knowledge they have. Strive to live life the way they do. Your jealousy should actually be a positive thing pushing you to take more action.
Recommended for reading: Never Give Up – The Power of Positive and Negative Motivation
Remember, people buy expensive cars and eat at expensive restaurants not because they want to tick you off or because they want you to call them a snob, but because they can.
Jealousy is a state of mind that arises in your head, which you can actually use to learn more about yourself and to improve. Maybe you can’t get totally rid of it, but by dealing with jealousy the right way, you can use it for your own benefit.
Thank you for stopping by and good luck!
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