Let’s start off with a little experiment. Please close your eyes and think of a really sad moment from your past. Spend half a minute thinking about it. Now give what you are feeling a name.
Then think of an amazing moment from your past. Spend half a minute on it. Once you are done, give what you are feeling a name.
How did you feel when you thought of something sad? How did you feel when you thought of something amazing? Well, if you are like most people, then you probably didn’t enjoy the first part of the experiment at all. The second part, on the other hand, was great. The point of this experiment is to show you that whatever we focus on, we feel. We feel things, and then we name them. We do this all the time.
Unfortunately, some people prefer to focus on their weaknesses rather than their strengths. They always come up with reasons why someone else is better than them. Of course, this inevitably leads to negative emotions and feelings, stress, low self-esteem, and eventually, to the inability to accept themselves.
This is a serious problem for many people. However, the good news is that the problem can be fixed relatively quickly if you have the right set of tools. On the most basic level, you need to shift your focus from the negative to the positive. You must begin to look at yourself from a different angle. Remember, what you focus on, you feel.
In order to learn how to accept yourself, follow these six rules:
1. Your opinion is not the truth
If you want to learn how to accept yourself, the very first thing you must understand is that your opinions are not the truth.
One of the main causes, why some people cannot accept themselves, lies in incorrect judgments. They get so caught up in negative thoughts, that they believe what they are thinking about themselves, is ultimately true.
But don’t be fooled. Your thoughts about yourself are only your opinions, and opinions are not the truth. As Plato once said:
Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance. – Plato
You may look at a random person passing by, and form an opinion about them. Maybe you liked the way they looked or maybe you didn’t. None of it actually matters or is true; it’s your opinion.
The same way others have an opinion about you. Some like you for no reason, and some don’t. Similarly, you can have an opinion about yourself, which also isn’t a fact.
Remember, we are exceptionally good at being overly critical regarding ourselves.
2. Don’t be too self-critical
The second rule towards learning how to accept yourself concerns self-criticism.
Most of us are self-critical, and that’s ok. Self-criticism is what helps us understand our mistakes and pushes us to achieve more. However, it becomes a problem if you are criticising yourself all the time for everything. This leads to low self-esteem, and low self-esteem leads to the inability to accept yourself.
Whenever you criticize yourself next time, try to be a bit more aware. Is the criticism constructive? Can you use it to propel yourself forward and to improve yourself? If not, then is it justified?
Criticizing yourself for the sake of criticizing only hurts you and is pointless. If you are constantly criticizing yourself, stop it now! Apply that energy rather on something useful.
3. Keep yourself busy
Recently I read a fantastic book by Dale Carnegie, called “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. In this book, the author says that one of the best remedies against constant worry is busyness.
I totally agree with the fact that when you are constantly occupied with things to do, you have no time to worry. Moreover, I think that when you are busy, you simply have no time for negativity. This includes self-criticism and other forms of negativity toward yourself.
Find something to do. Find a hobby, a passion, a meaning in life or a vision. Do something to keep yourself occupied.
When you learn something new and work to become better, you inevitably do become better over time. That will help you a lot on the path to understanding how to accept yourself.
The rule of thumb is that the more you achieve, the better you feel about yourself. Therefore, being busy and achieving directly affect how much you are able to accept yourself.
4. The past does not equal the future
If you aren’t able to accept yourself, then there is a good chance that you are caught up in the past.
In the first rule, I mentioned that we often have negative opinions about ourselves, which aren’t the truth. Regardless, many people think that just because something has happened to them in the past, the opinions that they hold now about themselves, must be true. Well, this also isn’t the case and it’s dangerous to think that way.
I am sure you have heard millions of times how the past is the past, and that you shouldn’t dwell on it. Yes, it’s a cliche, but what if it’s something that has repeated so many times over and over? Can’t we expect the same to happen again in the future? No!
Recommended: Let Go of the Past – There Is So Much More to See and Experience in Life!
I have had many unsuccessful relationships in the past with a bad outcome. Does that mean that I should never date again? Of course not! By being open to new opportunities, I allow new people into my life. I don’t think I am a loser just because my previous girlfriends weren’t exactly honest with me. So what if they weren’t? It’s their problem, not mine. I have moved on and I am now in a new relationship, without constantly thinking about the past.
Yes, I have learned from the past, and that’s what you should do as well. If you don’t want the same things happening to you in the future, change your approach a bit. But regardless of what your past is, it is now gone and should not affect how you accept yourself today. Never walk forward with your head turned backwards.
5. Look at your strengths
The fifth rule towards learning how to accept yourself concerns your strengths.
As already mentioned, most of us that aren’t able to accept ourselves tend to focus on our not so bright past and on our weaknesses. I urge you to focus on the strengths and positives instead. Trust me, you have more than what you can come up with.
Think of a moment when you were happy. Focus on it. Think of a moment when you have helped someone. Focus on it. Think of a moment when you made someone smile. Focus on it. Think of a moment when you felt proud. Focus on it.
Take some time to write down in a journal all of your strengths and things you do well. Write down your happiest moments and moments when you made other people happy. Aren’t those moments worth living? Aren’t you eager to have as many of them as possible? If you are, then you must learn how to accept yourself today.
Only once you come to the realization that you have a ton of positive sides and strengths, you will accept yourself. And once you do accept yourself, you can begin to help others do the same.
6. Give away
The last but not least rule towards learning how to accept yourself concerns other people.
If you have a hard time finding the good sides of yourself, try giving away. You can donate money to various charities, do some volunteer work, or simply be a good friend to someone by listening to them.
By giving away to others, you are taking the focus off yourself and setting it on others instead. Moreover, you are doing good things, which raises your self-esteem and as a result helps you with accepting yourself.
Some people don’t like to think of it this way, but not willing to accept yourself is actually very egocentric. You are focusing too much on yourself. Take the focus off and try helping others. You will be amazed how much this can do for you.
The bottom line is that you are who you are. You are a person, and you have your weaknesses, just like anyone else. Don’t think that someone else is superior or that they haven’t done anything wrong in their life. No, we all have a hard time growing up and adjusting. The only difference is that some focus on the positive sides of life, while others focus on the negative.
You can’t change the past, but you can change the now. By choosing to accept yourself in the present, together with all of your flaws and weaknesses, you free yourself of unnecessary fear and pain. By being free, you can enjoy your life today and can create a better tomorrow, for yourself, but also for others.
Hopefully, you’ve enjoyed this post and learned a bit more about how to accept yourself. But if you feel that this post wasn’t sufficient, look into getting some professional help. Some people need a bit more help than others, and that’s ok.
In any case, thank you for stopping by and good luck!
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July 15, 2018 at 18:54
These are wonderful guidelines. Thank you for sharing!
July 16, 2018 at 08:17
Thanks a lot!
July 15, 2018 at 21:58
This is such a great post. I think your past not outlining your future is so important for people to remember
July 16, 2018 at 08:17
Thank you! 🙂
July 16, 2018 at 06:36
It’s important to be able to objectively access yourself in order to be able to accept yourself. It’s not easy but following your tips can help. Thanks for the helpful post!
July 16, 2018 at 08:17
Thank you!
July 16, 2018 at 09:28
You are so right, the past doesn’t in any way equal the future cause it’s in our hands to make our future awesome.
July 16, 2018 at 10:31
Thank you! 🙂
July 16, 2018 at 09:32
These are really good points, I like #4 point the best. I agree that we should not dwell on the past or past mistakes. I really enjoyed this post, thanks for sharing (ade amoguis young)
July 16, 2018 at 10:30
Thank you!
July 16, 2018 at 21:13
Keeping yourself busy is key! You just never know how far you’ll go with your goals. 🙂
July 17, 2018 at 07:29
🙂
July 17, 2018 at 02:45
I love the part about not dwelling on the past. Every day is a chance to start down a new path and leave all of the other stuff behind. It’s easy to get caught up in that stuff which can be self destructive.
July 17, 2018 at 07:29
Exactly! 🙂
July 17, 2018 at 05:09
I’m glad you brought UPS off criticism. It’s hard to be around people who are critical on themselves all of the time.
July 17, 2018 at 07:30
Very true.
July 17, 2018 at 12:15
I felt even better when I let go of all the toxic people in my life. They used to bring me down.
July 17, 2018 at 12:31
Yes, that is definitely a huge obstacle to self-acceptance too. We don’t need those people around us.
July 17, 2018 at 16:23
What an insightful post! Acceptance is an important part of life. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
July 17, 2018 at 19:55
Thank you, Lavanda!
July 17, 2018 at 20:52
Great pot. I loved #4. Don’t dwell on the past. Learn from it. Grow from it. Move on from it. <3
July 18, 2018 at 06:13
Thank you! 🙂
July 18, 2018 at 11:43
Accepting my body and the way my mind works took my years. But I am happy with myself now. I have to say that my biggest enemy was constantly comparing myself with others.
July 18, 2018 at 11:48
Great to hear that you are happy now! 🙂
July 18, 2018 at 17:13
I do think having momentum is such an important aspect to feeling good about yourself. When you do accomplish things it is easier to feel good about yourself.
July 19, 2018 at 12:40
Agreed.