We are amazingly good at killing off our motivation, progress, and success. We can wake up one morning, thinking that today is the day that we conquer the world and make our dreams a reality, but after having had our morning coffee, we realize that those were just empty thoughts. There are too many obstacles on the way and life’s just too hard in general. I mean, if all of what we dream was realistic, everyone would be doing it, right?
You are right about life. It is complicated, and it should be. If it would be easy, then success would not mean much to us. Things like fulfillment, would probably also not be existent. Only through hard work, persistence and dedication, we can experience true fulfillment in life. And by this, I mean the feeling that you get when you accomplish something great, which also leads to true happiness; not the happiness you get when you buy a new pair of sunglasses or eat out.
So it’s clear that in the end, we are the ones to prevent ourselves from living the life of our dreams. But why do we do that? Well, there are many reasons. We have life experience that tells us that mistakes can be and will be made. We have the internet and TV that feed our brain with self-doubt. But most importantly, we have other people that will tell us that we can’t.
The reason why having others tell us that we can’t is the most detrimental is because, unlike the TV, we actually listen to them. They are our friends, relatives and even life partners. If it would be just some random guy outside saying this to us, we wouldn’t care one bit. But because we have to be around these people so much, want it or not, we will soak the negativity they say to us. They already know our history, the mistakes we made in the past and the fears we have today. They know exactly who we are and what button to press in order to make us change our mind.
It’s unfortunate that most people will tell you that you can’t achieve your “crazy” goals. I envy, in a good way, those people that have a very supportive family and friends, but those cases are rare. Most of us will hear all the reasons in the world why we shouldn’t quit our job, go traveling around the world for a year, start a new business, etc.
Solution? Learn how to not give a f*** about what others say to you!
Common scenarios for negativity
The moment you decide to change or do something great, you will see the true nature of people around you. All of a sudden, some of the dearest ones to you will become toxic. They will be negative, they will say things to discourage you, to pull you down and to prevent you from moving on forward.
- Why would you start Amazon FBA? There are so many costs and so many errors to make. It’s too saturated out there.
- So what’s the point of your blog? Nobody is paying you money for it anyway. You are wasting so much energy on it.
- Starting a company has so many costs. It’s difficult and it will mess your head up. You should just stick to your day job.
- You will not become a vegetarian! You won’t get all the nutrients. What will you eat, grass?
- Motorcycles are not for you. You will kill yourself.
- Boxing is not for you, it’s a bad sport and will cause damage to your brain.
- Djing is ridiculous and only drug addicts listen to electronic music! It’s not even real music! Go play a real instrument.
These are just a few examples from my life. The list can go on and on. Would you mind sharing some of your examples?
I am not going to tell you to turn away forever from your closest friends and relatives just because of their beliefs. No, these are their beliefs and their opinions, which in no way are the truth. You must always remember that opinions do not equal the truth. Sometimes, people don’t know any better, but that’s their problem. It really makes no sense to be disappointed in your 85-year old grandma just because she does not understand how someone can make money on the internet.
Limiting the time you spend with people that are pulling you down is a smart thing to do. Telling them that you don’t want to hear their opinion is another smart thing to do; sometimes, they have no idea that they are doing damage.
Parents, for example, will always want the best for you. They don’t want to see their child struggling to make money with some business. They will genuinely think that traditional education and a nine to five job is the only way you can support yourself.
Finding a new circle of friends is also something you can do. Having people that motivate you and believe in you is far more beneficial.
Recommended read: Short Motivational Stories of Failure and Success That You Must Know
So how to not give a f***?
The only way to learn how to not give a f*** about what others say to you is by:
1. Understanding why you do the things that you do (become 100% confident in yourself and your actions)
2. Understanding why others say to you the negative things that they say to you
Understanding why you do the things that you do…
Whenever you get affected by things that people say to you, it is because of your lack of belief in yourself.
For example, you have decided to travel the world for a year. You know it is a big commitment. Then someone comes along and begins to tell you how expensive and dangerous it can be. Yes, you were aware of this, but now that your friends tell you this, you have doubts about whether it is really worth it. As a result, you may significantly change your plan regarding which countries you will visit. And in the worst case, you won’t go at all.
The consequence is that you are not doing what you really wanted to do. Someone else has affected your life, and therefore your fulfillment/success/happiness.
Alternatively, if you would have weighed up all the pros and cons of seeing the world beforehand, calculated how much money you need, and if your motivation was strong enough, there would be nothing anyone could do or say to you that would change your mind.
The same logic can be applied to all other life choices. If you want to start a business, do your research, have a vision, be prepared to work hard and to accept mistakes if they do occur.
Thinking of becoming a vegan? Know why you want to do it and find a way how to do it without sacrificing your health. If you are 100% confident about why you make your decisions, no one can affect them in any way.
In one of his videos, Elon Musk talks about how crazy it was that so many people wanted to talk him out of starting his own company. Also, when he thought about starting SpaceX, a good friend of his collected a series of videos of rockets blowing up, and made Elon watch them.
You may think that trying to talk a friend out of this business is a good idea, especially because it is extremely expensive and dangerous, putting people’s lives at risk. But what if Elon would have listened then? What if he would have quit right there before even starting. Fortunately, he didn’t. He stayed true to his dreams, results of which can be seen today. You always reap what you sow.
Understanding why others say to you the negative things that they say to you…
I mentioned earlier that in the case of your parents, they can be very negative towards you, but they can genuinely believe that they are doing a good thing by acting that way. They don’t want to see their son/daughter suffer or get hurt, which is why they can try to talk you out of a relationship or starting a business, for example.
People may also try to pull you back down because they fear that they will lose a friend. Just think about it, you lived a life happily doing your normal day-to-day things, and now all of a sudden you decide to change. This means that you will spend less time going out with others, having less fun with them, and more time working on your own. So basically, you will be growing. And if your friends don’t decide to grow with you, you will be growing away from them.
Furthermore, we all have our weaknesses. Most people are not strong enough to go outside of their comfort zone and to make their dreams happen. Instead, they will find ways to justify why they are standing still. Thay may say that too much work is required, that they have too little time, too little money, it’s not for them, etc. So many reasons why not to do it.
Recommended read: What to Do When Someone Is Better Than You? – Dealing with Jealousy
Now, all of a sudden, you tell them that you are ready to do things that they probably can’t. As a result, they will not only try to hold you back to make them feel better about themselves, but they will also want you to fail. And when you do so, they will say “I told you so”. This will only strengthen their shitty attitude towards taking risks.
Solution? Know how to not give a f***! And while you are at it, might as well prove them wrong.
Instant gratification is your enemy!
People will tell you that it’s not worth it or that you will fail. They will look at your first month of having a business, point out how busy you have become, and in the worst case, laugh at you because you aren’t making any money yet. I know, it’s shallow thinking, but that’s how most people think.
Most people don’t want to do anything without quick results. It’s all about instant gratification. If you can’t get rich fast, it’s not worth it. The people of success, however, understand that to get results, you need to first put in the right amount of work and dedication.
For you, it must be not only about the score count, but also about the journey. It’s about the work that you do and the challenges that you overcome along the way that make you fulfilled. If you care only about the results, then you will have a really hard time overcoming failure and not giving a f*** about what others say to you.
“Even if you are the best of the best, there is always a chance for failure. So it’s important that you really like whatever you are doing. If you don’t like it.. life is too short.” – Elon Musk
In conclusion, I want to say that you should not hate the people around you that are trying to talk you out of things. I would even dare to say that it’s in our nature to act that way. In fact, only because the majority of people have so little confidence and belief in themselves, you are able to make such a difference and have more success than everyone else. Remember, life is difficult, but it doesn’t mean we have to be afraid and to stay still.
If you find yourself ever being in the position of a person that is trying to hold someone back and saying to them the things that you probably shouldn’t be saying, just stop. Even if you genuinely think you are trying to do good, in reality, you are just ruining your relationship with that person.
From experience, I can say that it doesn’t matter what good or bad advice you give to another person. Unless you are doing it in a professional manner for them, most people will never listen to you. Some people can learn only from their own mistakes. Besides, who knows, maybe it was a mistake for us, but for them, it will be a success.
Thank you for stopping by and good luck!