What Is Ego? Is It There to Help Your Existence or to Control You?

What is ego? Ego is a very common topic for discussion, yet not many truly understand what it is, how it works and why it plays such a big role in our life. On the one hand, people often say that ego is the root of all evil and that it is there to slow down our personal development. But on the other hand, it exists, and there must be a reason for it, just like there is for everything else in our existence.

What is ego?

To begin with, let’s try to understand what is ego and why it exists.

From the moment we are born, we begin to develop our ego. The more we look around, the more we realize one simple truth – there is I and there is the rest of the world. We crawl around and begin to explore the surroundings by putting things into our mouth, and as soon as something is taken away from us, we burst into tears demanding it to be given back to us. That is also the work of our ego but in its early stages.

As we get older, our ego evolves with us. We are told by our parents that we cannot have everything we want whenever we want it, but if we behave well, we are able to earn it. That teaches us to be responsible, but it also expands the ego. Now we clearly see that certain actions bring desired results. And if someone then tries to take away something that was rightfully deserved, that is when we feel the need to fight for it, verbally and/or physically.

Almost anything you can think of in your life has been affected by your ego. Relationships, education, work, hobbies, food preferences, the way you walk, dress and talk – all are a consequence of your ego. Your ego shapes who you are and how you see the world. It is the ability to see yourself as an entity separate from others. It allows you to have a different, from everyone else, identity.

The ego paradox

What is ego: Benefits

We have more or less come to the understanding of what ego is and its purpose, but let’s go a little deeper.

As you can probably gather, the ego is something that we cannot survive without. It is as much a part of life as eating or drinking is. It protects us from strangers that want to hurt us and motivates us to become better. The desire to work harder in order to get a higher salary, or to become a better musician, are both examples of our ego pushing us to improve.

It really wouldn’t be possible to grow up in this world if we would have absolutely no ego. We would simply not be able to function in the society. Making money, going to school or protecting ourselves from wild animals would be pointless to us. And to others, we would look like someone that has gone insane. Therefore, it would be logical to think that the ego is actually a good thing. But that is, of course, once again our ego thinking that.

Furthermore, the ego is not only about “me-me-me” as some people prefer to see it. There are moments in life when the ego has the ability to expand beyond just the “I” For example, we naturally care for our children, parents, siblings and friends, and we are willing to help them at our own cost. And as we grow, we get into relationships and experience love.

Love is the easiest way to experience partial ego loss (not ego death, which known as the complete loss of subjective self-identity). When we fall in love, we forget about our own needs and wants, and are willing to do extreme things for the benefit of another person. To a person that has never been in love, your actions may be completely irrational or even dangerous.

The birth of children expands the ego radically. The kids are yours, and you, therefore, care for them as you would for yourself.

Some would argue that the ego can be expanded even further by loving your country, but this is where the ego often gets out of hand, as history has shown.

What is ego: Dangers

Recommended for reading: What to Do When Someone Is Better Than You? – Dealing with Jealousy

Although some think that loving your fellow people and being nationalistic towards your country are very similar, there is actually a very big difference between the two. One is driven by love, and the other by ego. One is about seeing all as one, and the other is about seeing the differences – me vs. you.

The example above is extreme, but anything driven solely by the ego can in fact be quite dangerous.

People that have high ambitions and a lot of success in life can become proud and arrogant. The feeling that one has put in a lot of work and achieved more than others causes that person to look down on others. The feeling of love towards your own children can raise the feeling that they are superior to other children. Pushing children radically to the extremes in sports can also be the cause of the parent’s ego.

One can read a book to become more intelligent, but then use that information to make others feel as if they have less knowledge. This is ego. One can do something good for a friend, but then expect something in return. And if it isn’t returned to them on time, the friendship may be damaged or even ruined. This is also ego.

Being in a relationship and purposely not saying “I love you”, or saying “I love you” just to expect to hear the same in return – both exemplify what ego really is.

Being easily offended or not giving something up, are examples of ego. Buying a new set of clothes and feeling better about it also increases the ego. Addictions are ego.

The list is infinite. It can go on and on.

You may now think to yourself – so what? These examples make up life. That’s who we are. How is ego bad for us?

The ego causes you to cling to things. And the more you cling to things, the less happy you become. You experience more stress and you are afraid to lose those things that were not easy to attain in the first place.

As a result, ego causes suffering. This is clearly seen when you don’t get your lollipop as a child, when you receive a poor grade in school, when a girl tells you she doesn’t like you, or when you don’t get a follow-up call after a job interview. Ironically, even though you absolutely need ego for survival, fear of death causes you to suffer immensely.

Should something be done about it?

Many people prefer to think that ego is something that is inherently bad and that we should get completely rid of it. Some religions address the ego directly, while others do it indirectly by teaching us to be humble. At the same time, religions are often the reason why ego takes more control over a person’s life than anything else.

People that have a very strong ego are often called egotistic. They judge others, are arrogant, never wrong, always right, never listen and always talk. That is definitely something that could be improved, and it’s not too difficult to do it. Being aware is the easiest partial solution for fighting the ego. The realization that everything is subjective causes our ego to lose its grip.

Meditation is one of the most effective ways to fight your ego. When we meditate, we quiet down our minds and simply contemplate the things around us. Silence is wisdom.

When we are able to silence our ego, that is when we allow our minds to open up for new experiences. We are able to see the world with clarity and without prejudice. Most of us can experience this from time to time, but not for long. If we don’t practice dissolving the ego, it will only become stronger with age.

That being said, you don’t have to live like a monk that meditates day and night to get rid of the ego completely. As I mentioned earlier, removing it completely will not allow you to function properly in society. If you still have some plans for the future, then living in awareness will be enough.

There is nothing wrong with living a normal life. Some of us can immensely benefit the world by helping and serving others. Even the Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil, not the money itself. You can live life without clinging to things, regardless of who you are.

I hope you now understand what is ego, its dangers, and how complex the topic is. The ego protects us, but it also prevents us from being genuinely happy. It’s not right or wrong. It’s just there, a part of our life, just like breathing oxygen is or eating food.

Feel free to share your thoughts on the subject with me in the comments below. I appreciate your input.

Thank you for stopping by and good luck!

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