Many of the topics and problems that I discuss on this blog are not a 100% familiar to me, which is why I often have to do a lot of research. But not today. The topic that I want to tackle this time – “how to overcome the fear of public speaking” – is as close to me as it can get.
Being afraid to speak in front of a crowd used to be one of my biggest fears. It accumulated over the course of my whole life, until it grew to the point in which I was no longer able to comprehend the idea of opening my mouth in front of a crowd without sweating profusely. The anxiety became unbearable.
My story
Already from an early age, it was clear that I was going to grow up to be very shy. At home, I had a brother that was seven years older than me with whom we constantly fought. Him being much older than me, it meant that I pretty much lost every battle. This shaped a lot of how poorly my self-confidence developed over the years.
There was also a time when my parents wanted me to do some sport professionally, which is why they put me to play ice-hockey. But that hobby didn’t last either. My father and mother later told me that they did not see the potential in me as an ice-hockey player. I apparently lacked aggression… When I heard this from them, I became furious. “Why would you judge my skills and my future success in the sport based on how aggressive I was then, as a 6-year-old kid??? I really liked that sport and wish I would have stayed in it!!!” They sighed. There was nothing else they could say.
The sad part is that I really did and still do like ice-hockey, and being aggressive on the ice is not a problem any longer. Knowing what I know today, I wouldn’t have let myself out of the sport so easily. I would have instead encouraged myself to stay in it for as long as I like the hobby.
The kid below is me.
So you might be thinking, where am I going with this ice-hockey story and what does it have to do with the fear of public speaking?
Well, the biggest mistake anyone can do regarding their problems is to run from them. Instead of facing my shyness already as a little kid right there on the ice, I ran. My shyness not only grew and solidified, but it was also confirmed by my own parents, and as consequence, by my own self. For the next 15 years, my self-confidence was hardly existent.
The fear of public speaking for many of us is not a problem singled out, but a piece of a bigger whole. Those of us that are by nature more inclined to shy away and be introverted, suffer from the fear of public speaking the most. And just like any other problem, it needs to be dealt with, or else, it will become our worst nightmare, which is what it became for me. My fear of public speaking was so strong that I did everything I possibly could to avoid opening my mouth in front of a crowd.
I remember the times of my studies at the university like it was yesterday. I would sit and worry about the fact that at any moment the professor could ask me a question to which I would have to respond in front of the whole class. When that finally did happen, I would panic, sweat and my face would become tomato-red.
The worst part was that, from time to time, just like at any other university, we had to give presentations. These would cause me to experience extreme anxiety as soon as I was told that I would have to give one. Even a five-minute presentation would cause me to start preparing two weeks prior just to make sure I know my text exactly, word by word, in order not to forget anything during the speech. And on the day of the presentation, I would feel like I was about to pass out. I am actually really surprised I never did. It felt very possible.
The fear was so bad that, on one of the nights prior to a presentation, I sat researching the internet on the different things I could do in order to calm down or even hide my anxiety. As a result, I wore a red t-shirt on the presentation day so that my red, blushing face, would not stand out. I also read that vitamin-C helps with anxiety, which is why I took a liter bottle of orange juice to class.
To be completely honest, the juice did help somewhat, but not because I became less anxious, but because I wanted to pee so badly that it took my mind a bit off the presentation itself.
So as you can see, the fear of public speaking was as serious as it could get. I knew that giving presentations would also be something my career would require me to do, and that scared the living crap out of me. My whole life began to revolve around this fear. I knew that the problem was something I needed to work on, or else it would eat me alive.
Ways to overcome the fear of public speaking
So, what are the ways to overcome the fear of public speaking? To be completely honest, there is no magic pill, but it’s totally doable if you take action. If I was able to overcome the fear of public speaking, which, as you can see, was an extreme case, you can too. Just do what I did, and you will be fixed in no time.
1. Practice
The first tip on how to overcome the fear of public speaking lies in practice.
I know, I get the irony.. you may fear public speaking more than anything else, yet I am telling you to present more often. But please, hear me out. I could give you all of the tips in the world, but without practice, none of them will do anything for you.
The only way to conquer your fear is to be around it as much as possible. If you are afraid of spiders, get yourself to hold one. If you are afraid of heights, go to places high up. If you are afraid of giving speeches, go and give speeches. It’s quite straightforward.
You don’t need to start conquering your fear of spiders by petting a tarantula, but you can touch one of those harmless miniature spiders running around your house. To deal with the fear of public speaking, you can start with a small two-minute presentation in front of your friends or relatives. No need to go crazy. Make the process as enjoyable as you can. Make it a game in which you compete with yourself to becomes as good as you can be.
The more you experience your fear, the less scary it will become. With time, you will simply get used to it. No joke. That’s exactly how I and millions of others stopped being afraid of public speaking. We spoke in front of people for as many times as we needed to, until it finally stopped being such a big deal.
Of course, I still get nervous today, just like everyone else does. But it’s nothing compared to what it used to be. The nervous feeling that I experience before presentations today is almost fun. It’s exciting more than anything.
There are three main ways in which you can practice public speaking. This is what I did.
1. Talk in front of the mirror out loud. This is a very simple technique, but it’s very powerful. Just make sure you do it out loud and you try to look at yourself as if you are the audience.
You can continue to apply this method whenever you are preparing a speech, even when you get good at it.
2. Practice with friends. Take your friends or relatives, sit them down and ask them to listen to you. Tell them to take it seriously, and to actually follow what you are saying. When done, ask them for feedback.
Speaking in front of people you know is great because you are still practicing and experiencing the fear, but you also understand that you are in a safe environment where no one really cares how bad or good you do.
3. Join a public speaking class. The fastest way to deal with the fear of public speaking is to immerse yourself into the process completely. The best way to do this is to take public speaking classes.
I recommend looking into Toastmasters. Toastmasters is basically a club created solely for the purpose of making better public speakers out of people. My participation in one of these clubs changed my whole life around. It’s really what made me take that giant leap forward when it comes to giving speeches.
2. Know your subject
Only a very small part of the world’s population can hold great speeches with no preparation. Therefore, make sure you know very well what you are going to talk about. Prepare by practicing and rehearsing. And if it’s an unknown topic, make sure you research it very well.
At first, give speeches about yourself and other topics that you know and understand. This way you can focus on the quality of your speeches. Once you become better at it, begin to give presentations on less familiar topics. You can make them as long as you want to and as complicated as you want. But make sure that you know your subject well!
If you need to, have a powerpoint presentation or a little sheet of paper with notes to go with your presentation. This way, if you do accidentally forget something, you always have something to assist you.
3. Challenge your fears with logic
I once watched a video on the internet where a professional speaker was sharing different ways in which we can soften the fear of being on stage. I ended up trying one of his tips out, and it proved to be quite effective.
Basically, the man said that usually when we are about to present, we automatically create more fear by trying to avoid the fear that is already there. What he proposed is that we challenge this fear by mocking at it.
In other words, when you feel the anxiety and fear approaching, just say to yourself something along the lines of: I am always afraid of presenting… What exactly am I afraid of? Have I ever fainted, or has the world ever fallen apart during my presentations? What is the absolute worst thing that can happen? As a matter of fact, I want to feel more fear! Let’s see how bad this can get… I will start my speech and forget every single word of it! Everybody will judge me and think I am stupid! It’s going to be horrible! I feel as nervous as it can get, but I love it! Bring it on!
Whenever I do this, I get the reverse effect of fear. I actually find it amusing and sometimes even giggle because I understand just how silly we can sometimes be when fear is in control. I tell myself that it’s only a presentation, nothing more, nothing less. I have done this hundreds of times, and even if I do forget something during my speech, it’s no big deal.
4. Become an amazing speaker
When learning how to overcome the fear of public speaking, most of the time we focus on ourselves. We focus on anxiety, nervousness and fear. We focus on the bad.
I encourage you not to be so selfish. You are giving the presentation not for yourself, but for the audience listening to you. You want them to learn something new from you. So instead of focusing on how much you can or can’t fail, focus on giving to your listeners an amazing speech.
Focus on how you move around when you are on stage. Focus on looking people in the eyes. Focus on how you can make the presentation interactive and more exciting for the ones there. Try to genuinely care for your audience.
In the past, my goal was to give the presentation, and that would be it. The result of that was a nervous me and a bored audience, which is something you never want. When I began to improve my secondary presentations skills, such as body language and eye contact, I had less time to worry about me worrying. Hopefully, that makes sense…
Instead of aiming so low, I began to aim high. And you know what, I was surprised when I realized that me being anxious had nothing to do with giving a bad presentation; those two were completely separate. I could be very worried and give an amazing speech. But I also could be less worried and give a poor speech. From then on, I shifted the focus from myself onto the audience and onto providing them something worth listening to.
5. Meditate and exercise
The last tip on how to overcome the fear of public speaking concerns your body and the mind.
Exercise helps to release unnecessary tension. The more exercise you do and the more you sweat, the easier life becomes outside of exercise. It is as if you don’t have the energy to worry as much.
There really isn’t much I can add here. Those that exercise daily know what I am talking about. And if sports and exercise aren’t something you often do, then I encourage you to change that. You will see just how much more calm you will become as someone that takes care of their body.
Meditation is all about calming the mind. It’s definitely not a quick fix for your public speaking fears, but as someone that has meditated for very many years, I can honestly say that it has tremendously helped me in controlling my fears. Even ten minutes a day will have an impact on your life if you are consistent with it.
Hopefully, you now feel more encouraged and understand how to overcome the fear of public speaking. Of course, I could have given you a list of 100 different ways to do it, like many other blogs do, but I don’t want to. All of the other methods will just confuse you. It’s much more effective to have a few strong techniques to work with. Take them, practice and master them.
As Bruce Lee once said:
I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”
Thank you for stopping by and good luck!
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