In one of my previous posts, I wrote about how the fear of success can be holding you back, and you may not even know it. This time, I want to discuss another fear that is a lot more common and is just as damaging to personal success, if not more. That fear is the fear of judgment.
Whenever you make the decision to do something new and different, like starting a business, moving to a different country, taking Karate lessons or playing the drums, you will most certainly become the subject of attention. Your parents, friends, co-workers and other people close to you, will inevitably begin to discuss your life.
Some will care less and simply notice the fact that you are acting differently, some will congratulate you on your new decision, some will criticize you, and there may even be those that will actively mock you for it. “He/she can’t lose that weight”, “he/she won’t last even a month”, “he/she is just looking for attention” – are a few of the many nasty things that people sometimes say about other people.
So as you can see, judgment is a real thing, unfortunately. I could go on telling you that none of it exists and that all people are supportive, but that’s just not true. Nope. In fact, often it is the closest people that don’t see the potential in us. They can be the first ones to point fingers at our mistakes and say “see, I told you”. The best part about it all is that when you ask them why they are acting like such an @$$ho!e, they say that they don’t want to see us fail or get hurt, that’s all. They were doing it purely out of good intentions, to help us. Yeah, right.
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Unless you are a machine, you will be affected by other people’s words, especially if it’s the family that is doing it. Because of this, fear of judgment is also a very real thing and is very common amongst people that do want to make those steps of improvement in life. In some people, the fear is so great that it prevents them from ever taking that first and most important step forward, and that’s very sad.
But to make that step and to care less about what others have to say about you, keep these things in mind at all times:
1. Why should their opinion matter?
When I for the first time went on camera to make YouTube videos, I was terrified of being judged for the inability to properly articulate my thoughts. You know what I then did? I said, screw it, who are they to judge me?
Yes, it’s hard and scary to be on camera, but that’s what makes it so fascinating. Nobody’s opinion should prevent me from putting myself out there. I am doing this for my own growth. If I don’t help myself grow, nobody else will do it for me either.
I was still very afraid and still very nervous, but I made the videos anyway. Simultaneously, I joined Toastmasters to improve my presentation skills and to grow my confidence. Today, I have no regrets and I still enjoy making those videos.
2. People will always judge
It’s in our nature to judge others. They, me, you – we all have done it. Sometimes we feel like we are entitled to judge, and sometimes we do it to feel better about our own inability to take action. By saying “they won’t succeed”, we legitimize our own fear of failure.
People can judge all they want. Who cares? What have they achieved? Be cool about it and just keep moving forward steadily, one step at a time.
3. Mistakes will be made
Why do we fear judgment so much? Most of the time we simply don’t want to look weak. If we decide to start a new business and that business does not work out, then that means we failed, and we don’t want to fail in the eyes of others. By making mistakes, people get to see how imperfect we are, and that’s very hard to handle.
In reality, though, there is no perfection. Every single person started out by being a total noobie. With time, they got better. But to get better, they had to make a ton of mistakes. We aren’t usually shown what others had to go through to achieve success. We only see the results.
Click To TweetOnly those that don’t try make no mistakes.
Know that mistakes are just as integral to making positive changes as breathing is to life. One does not go without the other. So be prepared and don’t worry if you make a slip here and there. You are learning. And if someone can’t get the idea that it’s ok to make mistakes and that they come with every new learning experience, then they probably haven’t ever fully left their own comfort zone.
4. If you truly want something, should it matter?
Think about it, if you truly want to live your life differently, should what others think or say to you matter? Of course not!
Always remind yourself why you want to make those changes in the first place. If you believe that whatever you are trying to do will make your life or the lives of others around you better, then why should fear have any effect at all?
Tony Robbins says:
Click To TweetWhere focus goes, energy flows.
Tony is on point here. Whatever you focus on, you will feel. If you focus too much on what others will think of you for whatever reason, then overcoming the fear of judgment will be even a harder of a task. Focus instead on your goals, on the changes you need to make and on your vision. Taking the step forward will be much easier this way.
5. Nothing is permanent, not all care
When I finally got brave enough to start this blog, one of the biggest revelations was the fact that in reality, most people don’t really care enough to judge.
Because I was so obsessed with my own feelings and with how others would react to me having a website, I blew this whole fear of judgment thing waaaay out of proportion. I thought that as soon as I launch the blog, all eyes would be on me and everyone that knew me would gossip about me. Silly, I know.
The reality was very different. Most didn’t care. A few said “cool” and that was about it. It suddenly hit me that people have their own problems to worry about it. Nobody cares if I have a blog or not. And those that do, will forget about it very soon because life goes on, for me, but also for them. Nothing is permanent.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what happens to you and what people say to you. It is how you respond to these events that counts. You can live in constant fear of judgment and not move forward, or you can tell that fear to get out of your way and do the exciting things that bring colors and fulfillment into life. Choice is yours.
Thank you for stopping by and good luck!
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