After years of sadness and inner pain, I’ve overcome my crippling depression and am living a joy-filled life again. The biggest catalyst for my full recovery was a black cat named Sulu.
I had suffered from clinical depression for years. Anyone who has been stuck in that dark hole knows how debilitating this illness is; unable to enjoy life, to join social events (even something like birthday parties and Valentine’s Day was depressing for me), to hold positive thoughts in your mind, to concentrate, to look towards the future, to rally the energy to do anything worthwhile. Inner pain slices like a knife at your guts, a heavy blanket smothers your efforts, and the real world passes by as if viewed through the dirt-smudged window of a train.
This devastating period lies long behind me. I have fully regained my energy and joy – and indeed, I feel better now than I did before depression sank its claws into me. Looking back, I see which factors contributed to my recovery — physical workouts, psychotherapy, walks in nature, essential oils, hypnosis, meditation — but the best action I took was going to the local cat rescue shelter to adopt a cat.
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At the shelter, far more cats were waiting for a home than people showing an interest in adopting one. I saw many lovely kitties – tortoiseshells and gingers, tabbies and calicoes – and struggled to decide which of them to choose. My illness hampered my ability to make decisions, like it impaired so many other mental functions.
Then one cat made the decision for me. A nine-month-old black kitten walked up to me, a little skittish but curious, sniffed at my hand, rubbed himself against my arm and tried to crawl into my jacket sleeve. He made it quite clear he liked me, and that I was the one he wanted. To be chosen by a cat is a special experience, and I adopted him.
Although he liked me, he was nervous in the new environment, and hid for several hours under the big armchair. I worked on gaining his trust, encouraging him gently. I watched him come out of hiding, go on his first tours of exploration in the new territory, then actively seek my company. This was an exciting, rewarding journey for both me and the cat. My heart beat with caring kindness for this little chap. I wanted him to feel safe and loved.
Something remarkable happened, a change in my brain that years of anti-depressants had not achieved. Absorbed in making my little buddy feel good, I felt better myself. Focusing on him distracted me from my own pain and worries, and at the same time anchored me firmly in reality. I wasn’t consciously aware of this change until a few days had passed and I was smiling at the kitten the way I had not smiled for a long, long time…. a smile that came from my heart and spread across my body and face.
Sulu was deliriously happy to have a home of his own, and a human who loved him. I could feel his disbelief, like he was thinking, “This wonderful world is mine? Really? I didn’t know life could be so good!” When he was allowed outside for the first time (the area where we lived in England was safe for cats), and he discovered that he owned a real garden, his joy knew no bounds. The vibes of his happiness could be sensed from far away, and not just by me. Neighbors watching from their windows commented on how happy my little cat was.
It was I who had brought this happiness about. I, who was so depressed, could give true happiness to another creature! Without me, the darling cat might have spent the rest of his life in a cage, cared for by shelter staff, but not without love. Black cats are the least likely to get adopted, so his chances were not great. Despite being a cute, sweet-natured kitten, he had already waited in the shelter for five months, passed by all the potential adopters who preferred gingers and whites.
Seeing Sulu’s happiness, and knowing that I was the one who was creating this wonderful life for him, filled my heart with joy. My existence had a purpose: to keep this cat wrapped in happiness, safety and love.
I also felt appreciated — and appreciation is something all humans crave, especially when they’re feeling down. Sulu appreciated the food I provided, the comfortable safe home, the petting (he especially liked having his nose stroked), the time I spent playing with him (strings and ribbons were his favorite toys), and simply that I was near. Often, he sought out my company, lying on the desk while I wrote on the computer, at my feet, or simply nearby while I worked in the garden.
His love for me was genuine. Unlike dogs whose nature compels to love unconditionally, cats are selective and don’t give affection where it is not deserved. I knew that Sulu gave me his love from choice. When I typed on my laptop, and Sulu came to snuggle on the desk between my arms and wrapped his little paws around my wrists, my heart spilled over with liquid joy.
As an introvert, I’d never been one to socialize much. I preferred to have few but meaningful friendships — but apathy, negativity and mood swings had made it practically impossible to keep up friendships. Loneliness and isolation made the depression worse. Now with Sulu, I had a close friend, one who loved, trusted and appreciated me. I was no longer alone. Unlike a human friend or lover, he made few demands. With a cat, I didn’t have the unrealistic need to be completely understood either — we were simply companions in shared solitude, and this felt good.
Taking care of a pet requires energy, and initially, I was worried if, hampered by crippling lethargy, I would have the necessary willpower and strength. But I soon discovered that any energy I spent on Sulu was returned to me charged up and purified. Sulu was like an energy-enhancer. I gave him what I had — my stale, exhausted, sad energy – and he gave me back energy that was strong, bright, positive and serene.
Sulu didn’t stop there. He contributed so much to turning my life around, I can still scarcely believe it. As an intelligent, attentive cat, he loved to get trained. Yes — cats can be trained if they want to. And Sulu very much wanted to. Soon I taught him little performance tricks — shaking hands by placing his right paw into my right palm, high-fiving with me, walking to wherever I pointed, turning around, lying down and more. This further focused my mind away from my worries and pain, and gave us both the rewarding experience of success.
Sulu’s most impressive skill: he learned to ‘read’ books. Soon, he was such a book lover that whenever he saw a book, he wanted to read it. He lay down next to the open book, with a paw on the page, and happily waited for me to photograph him. For a book author like me, this was the perfect publicity photo. Where other writers’ promotional posts in the social media got ignored, mine went viral.
People followed me on Twitter just so they could see more photos of the amazing Sulu, and find out about his progress. My book sales increased — of course not only due to my cat, though he certainly played a role — and I was able to come off benefits (welfare payments) and earn a liveable income as a writer. The positivity Sulu brought into my life spread to other areas and sped up my recovery.
I have since learned that having a pet is helpful for people with emotional and mental health issues.
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In a 2011 study, the Mental Health Foundation compared the well-being of over 600 cat- and non-cat-owning respondents, and found that 87% of those who had cats said their feline friend had a positive impact on their wellbeing. 76% reported that having the cat helped them cope much better with the challenges and worries of everyday life. The most helpful factor was simply the cat’s presence and companionship, with added emotional serenity while caressing and petting a cat.
It certainly worked for me. I’ve overcome my depression. For over four years now, I have been free of inner pain and suicidal thoughts. My heart is filled with serenity and warmth, and I’m enjoying life more than I ever did before I became ill. I now live the life I used to fantasise about. I’ve emigrated to Bulgaria where I write for a living and enjoy the sunshine, succulent fresh fruit from my garden, and beautiful nature all around me.
And Sulu? Of course he came with me! Like myself, he made a smooth transition from Britain to Bulgaria, and he enjoys roaming the wildflower meadows and pine-covered mountain slopes. As I write the draft for this article, Sulu lies on the garden table and watches my pen dance across the page. He’s happy. Can you hear him purr?
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